It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you......

I guess I'm in another inspirational point in my life or maybe I'm just confused and need an outlet to get all the thoughts in my mind out.   Either way I'm here and I pray this reflection period provides me with some insight. I have been feeling a bit of and emptiness in my life, like I am missing something.  From the outside it appears that I have it all, but I really feel like I am sleeping on my purpose. I keep getting this call to serve in my spirit but I don't really know where to start.  I need a push, or courage, or something to get me up and running. Although my job can be fulfilling I feel like it may be holding me back from really focusing on this call I feel in my spirit. In addition to this feeling I"m in a awkward relationship, I'm dating an older man who treats me well but I am in love with another man and I know it aint right. aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh I need a pray, drink, and meditation.

I'm Ready

I love Him sooooo much, If he asked me I'm Ready....

Moment of honesty

Someone's gotta take the lead tonight

Whose it gonna be?

I'm gonna sit right here

And tell you all that comes to me

If you have something to say

You should say it right now (Drake: You should say it right now)

You ready?

Bridge:

You give me a feeling that I never felt before

And I deserve it, I think I deserve it (Drake: I deserve it, I think it deserve it..Let it go)

It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore

And I can't take it (Drake: I can't take it)

Chorus-Alicia & Drake:

I was wondering maybe

Could I make you my baby

If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy

If you ask me I'm ready (Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)

If you ask me I'm ready (Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)

Verse 2:

I know you once said to me

"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"

Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually?

If we gon' do something 'bout it

We should do it right now (Drake: We should do it right now)

Bay, uh

Bridge:

You give me a feeling that I never felt before

And I deserve it, I know I deserve it (Drake: I deserve it, I know I deserve it. Let it go)

Its becoming something that's impossible to ignore

It's what we make it (Drake: It's what we make it)

Chorus-Alicia & Drake:

I was wondering maybe

Could I make you my baby

If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy

Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'

If you ask me I'm ready (Echo: I'm ready I'm ready)

If you ask me I'm ready (Echo: I'm ready)

Yeah, sing...

Hook:

Why give up before we try

Feel the lows before the highs

Clip our wings before we fly away

I can't say I came prepared

I'm suspended in the air

Won't you come be in the sky with me

Chorus-Alicia & Drake:

I was wondering maybe

Could I make you my baby

If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy

Or would it be so beautiful either way I'm sayin'

If you ask me I'm ready (Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)

If you ask me I'm ready (Echo: I'm ready, I'm ready)

Double-consciousness

Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” (Matthew 6:24 NIV) Attempting to serve two masters leads to “double-mindedness” (James 4:8)

by W. E. B. DuBois

After the Egyptian and Indian, the Greek and Roman, the Teuton and Mongolian, the Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world,--a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness,--an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.

Double-mindedness, Double consciousness...Jesus and Dubois. I wonder where Dubois got his inspiration?

And then it just comes to me like an epiphany...

What is loyalty in a relationship?

Can you have loyalty without commitment, faithfulness?

Well let's take the working definition of loyalty....

Loyalty is the quality of being loyal to someone or something

• (often loyalties) a strong feeling of support or allegiance
Now let up look up synonyms of loyalty shall we...
allegiance, faithfulness,obedience, adherence, homage, devotion; steadfastness, staunchness,trueheartedness, dependability, reliability, trustworthiness, duty,dedication, commitment; patriotism
Now if one is cheating or not committed to the relationship one is showing that they are not faithful, truthful, patriotic, reliable, or dedicated to the person, all of which are qualities that are embodied by a loyal person.
So I ask again, can one be Loyal and not committed?
Let me close with the old saying " Actions speak louder than words", so let you actions dictate your words!

Lessons learned

Every relationship good or bad is a lesson learned. Here are few lessons I've picked up along the way...

1. I absolutely can not be the girl on the side, the fuck buddy, or the number one that is wifey material once you feel like settling down.

2. If you haven't been to college we can't connect at this point in my life, because college is where i'm at.

3. I don't like to be questioned all the time about what i'm doing and who i'm doing it with

4. If I'm going to take a person back i really have to forgive them completely and forget or else it will never be the same.

5. Listen more, if a man tells you something never forget it, you can use it against him in the future or use it to better your relationship, either way you need to keep it all in your memory

6. Never Ever go into a relationship in a negative mind set about men

7. If your gut tells you something is not right, then follow your natural instinct

8. Sometimes a drive by is necessary, you catch sooooo much!

9. Be generous but not stupid

10.LUST is a powerful thing, don't start something you can't or don't want to finish

11. Taking your time can be a good thing

12. Get all of your old flings/ex boys out of the way before you began a new relationship or else you will hate the person your with because they are not the person you really wanted.

13.Never accept being 2nd place

14. Just because you love the person doesnt' mean they love you, so wait until you know it is mutual to go all out

15. the first step of love is denial. Most ppl. are in denial with the fact that they are actually in love.

16. If he wants you, you will know because it will be obvious and you won't have any questions about it

17. You don't ever need to wait or force a person to do right, they should want to do you right

18. speak up if the sex is bad, that's the only way it will get better

19.looks don't mean a thing

20. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you can ever be confident with your man.

21. Don't let your pride get in the way

Well that's it for now, i guess my next relationship will give me a few more to add! Oh and the ladies tag feel free to add to the list!

A few of my favs

A dream...a simple fantasy that I wish was reality.... that you, come knocking at my door, and we relive this dream once more~ Mary J.

Could you be, the most beautiful girl in the world? It's plan to see your the reason that God made a girl ~ Prince

It a thin line between love and hate

It's a thin line, it's 5 o'clock in the morning And I'm just getting in, I knock on the door A voice sweet and low says, who is it?She opens up the door and lets me in Never do she once say, sir, where have you been?No, she says, are you hungry?Are you hungry, honey? Did you eat yet?Let me hang up your coat, your coat, your coat And the woman tells me, pass me your hat tooAll the time she smiles, never once raises her voice It's 5 o'clock in the morning It's a thin line between love and hate..The sweetest woman in the world Can be the meanest woman in the world If you make her that way, you keep on hurting her She keeps being quiet She might be holding something inside That really really hurt you one day Here I am laying in the hospital Bandaged from feet to head Ya see I'm in the state of shock Just that much from being dead I didn't think my woman could do something like this to me I didn't think she had the nerve, so here I amI guess action speaks louder than words It's a thin line between love and hate..The sweetest woman in the world Can be the meanest woman in the world If you make her that way, you keep on hurting her She keeps being quiet She might be holding something inside That really really hurt you one day It's a thin line between love and hate..It's a thin line, between love and hate It's a thin line...