It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you......

I guess I'm in another inspirational point in my life or maybe I'm just confused and need an outlet to get all the thoughts in my mind out.   Either way I'm here and I pray this reflection period provides me with some insight. I have been feeling a bit of and emptiness in my life, like I am missing something.  From the outside it appears that I have it all, but I really feel like I am sleeping on my purpose. I keep getting this call to serve in my spirit but I don't really know where to start.  I need a push, or courage, or something to get me up and running. Although my job can be fulfilling I feel like it may be holding me back from really focusing on this call I feel in my spirit. In addition to this feeling I"m in a awkward relationship, I'm dating an older man who treats me well but I am in love with another man and I know it aint right. aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh I need a pray, drink, and meditation.